Pass the Wiimote, please.

So, boys and girls.

Yours truly has gotten her hands on a Nintendo Wii. It was actually a request from my brother. He said it's for both of us, but I know that's not true, he'll take it in a few days and take over it, just like the PSP, just like the PS2...I've gotten used to it...I'll be able to enjoy it for a few days, in the least.

After I got the thing, I went straight to Sara's place, Joe and Hala were there...we all sat, but I was the only one playing...no one wanted to try it...well...except for Sara, but she always threw the remote away when she couldn't do something...so....yeah. If anyone wants to challenge me, bring it on, I kick ass in tennis like a goddamn mother fucker! ( =_= ignore that). Dana kept her new kitten company, Hala and Joe had to go home early, and Sara was drooling over Dir En Grey's Kyo like there's no tomorrow (she actually thinks she had sex with him <.<), so Rama kept me company while I was playing....I should get the wii with me next time I'm there, I should let Rama and Dana play.

I don't think I'll be going to school on Sunday...not after the incident that happened on Thursday...that really affected me for some reason, though it really shouldn't, it's always been like this, so why is it any different now?...At least I'd like to wait till my doctor's appointment on Sunday...see if I can be cured of what I like to call 'Curse'. cause seriously, it is...

Sometimes, not speaking is way better than speaking in bits and pieces, I wish I knew the reason why it happens, cause I'd face it, head on...I should just..not talk much, I'm a private person, and that's what I should do. I'd lose the ability to express myself, but there are many ways I can do it...through art, music, even writing...but...after 17 years of being 'cursed', one gets fed up, don't you think?

Report Card Day.

so, Ladies and gents, what I have in my hands hands is what everyone calls 'A Ticked to Hell'. and I will let you in on the crap I've been doing this last semester :

.:.Islamics : 89/100 (I swear, this thing never changes, it's the same grade I've got since the beginning of the year.).:.
.:.Arabic : 181/200 (...Okay, I think I deserve this one, I've never been good in it <.<..Sorry Mom.).:.
.:.English : 99/100 (That bitch took away that one mark! I didn't do a thing! I got all full marks and I participate in class!).:.
.:.Math : 284/300 (I actually thought I was getting less...I did better than last semester, though.).:.
.:.Physics : 184/200 (She hates me, I swear to god =_=).:.
.:.Chemistry : 91/100 (And I thought I did better....oh well.).:.
.:.Biology : 90/100 (hm......I should be satisfied.).:.
.:.Geology : 48/50 (yeah, I expected this one...though she hates me too.).:.

Yup..that's it...I feel like I would've done better...but I just lack the motivation, as I always say and complain like a broken record. then again, I should only blame myself for the 93% score, though it isn't bad, I should aspire for more....let's just see what finals are gonna be like.

The little run and his mom went to Sharjah today...that's one month of no whining and complaining and no baby gossip. I should try to relax right now...says the paranoiac who's caffeine addiction led her to freaky sleeping patterns and left her itching for gum every 5 minutes, lol.

and now, I'm off to kick some visual basic ass.

One of those days where I can't just relax.

Less sleep, barely stay focused and my eating is getting messed up....well...I'm not complaining about the eating thing, I did lose weight...which is something needed. But my face looks tired, and my eyes have sunken in their pockets. Like I need any blackness under my eyes.

Something weird happened today...I was coming back home from school, and I see this family getting into the elevator with me, I offered to press the button for them....then they made small talk.....You know how awkward I got? I got weird, I talked in really short sentences, and I kinda stuttered....this proves it, I'm really anti-social. I have a problem dealing with people, I think... I lack communication and social skills. That is why I'm so isolated.

I wanna get excited...motivate and be motivated. I lack something to wake up for in the morning. School doesn't even matter anymore. I need to find me an addiction. Someone to take my mind off of things, to keep me away from myself, cause when I'm with myself, I think, and when I think, I get depressed, and when I get depressed....its' not pretty.

School's ending in a few weeks, I shouldn't be thinking about this right now, but I am. College is what I aim for, but every day, a part of this aspiration fades. With the pace I'm walking, with the way I'm thinking, with a dad like mine, and with a major like that in mind, there's no way I'm going abroad...I'm confused, I don't even know what I wanna study anymore...I'm confused about everything, I don't know what's important and what's not.

Someone who meant a lot to me in the past, has appeared again....but...the funny thing is, I didn't even bother to take the time and say hi....it's funny...sometimes, I wouldn't sleep for that person, stay up all night waiting for them just to talk for a few minutes. ..yeah, that's how much they meant to me...but not anymore...I guess I have changed, and my priorities with them...I wonder if that person's the same...well, I guess it doesn't really matter.

Just suck it up, Maha, will you? You're acting like a kid and you're depressing who's around you!

Baby.Fever

The little runt you're all looking at is my new-born nephew. I, at least, felt the obligation to welcome baby 'Omar' to the world.

I still didn't see him yet, but I will...maybe today or something..to be honest, I'm a little discouraged. Cause this kid's been causing me trouble ever since he got here... not that the trouble wasn't there when he we still 'in'.

for some reason, I'm at a point where every thing's turning against me...to the point where I just don't sit in the house anymore and sneak out of the house when it's unbearable...I actually did that...last week...I ran away from home for a day, lol. Immature, I know, but I was trying to prove my unheard point. but uh...when everyone's turning like that against you at once...it kinda makes you wonder if it's you or them.

I actually didn't know about the baby till after I coincidently answered my dad's phone and my mom was like 'is your dad there? tell him Rasha had the baby'...and that is how I found out..I was actually the last to find out about the whole thing...Even my sister, who's in Sharjah (A City that is around 2 hours away from mine , minus the traffic jam) knew about it before I did... this kinda tells you that there's no need for you to know.

I don't know if I should not care about the whole thing, or just do what whatever the hell the want me to do, cause I'm really confused about what should be done and what should not.

I just can't get why they want me there , in the hospital anyways, according to them (and I have been told this before) my presence is just like my absence...so why bother go if they don't even want me there?

they made a big deal out of me not going to the hospital yesterday, which resulted in my bad mood when I was supposed to be having fun with my friends. Everyone likes being a prick, huh?
how am I supposed to go when there was no one to take me there, and not even bothering mentioning the name of the hospital? I shouldn't care about it..just do what I'm doing right now...cause I'm the only one who's burning blood for no fuckin reason, honestly.

I have a bad feeling about this......Let's just hope for the best...

A little something of me, a bit too into my guitar. This picture has been taken a few weeks ago, when I had my 'mini-performance'. Of course, it was full of poses, but this one's real.

Yesterday I was over at Sara's place...I went over there to make her brand new guitar 'work', I just don't understand why the girl would buy a guitar without even knowing how to play it. Well, I guess she will now.

Anyways, we started discussing our future plans and college and stuff...we agreed that, if I end up going to college here, we're gonna be roommates...it's all fine by me...If I stay here after graduation.

To be honest, I don't know where I wanna go anymore...reasons for me traveling are decreasing...but there are some solid reason that still hang on to that wall. I want to travel, I want to meet people, I want to do the stuff I wasn't able to do here...but it all seems all like a selfish act of me, with so much 'I's in my speech...

then again, I've always been selfish...I don't know if this makes it any different or not...but whenever I think about the subject, I always tell myself that it's too early for that kinda thinking...but it's not, I know it's not...I'm in denial, I'm still thinking I'm this little kid, but I'm not all grown up either, so it's a pretty shitty place right now...it really makes you think about yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, abilities, disabilities, hopes and dreams, what you want to do and what you need to do...

I think that, one of my abilities is that I leave a good impression and get inside the heart, for the first while at least...but then comes a disability...I'm unable to stay there. I haven't met any new people and I'm driving the close ones that are already there, away...I don't have the ability to turn some one's insides out, to make someone think of my name or the stuff I said before going to bed or waking up in the morning...pretty sad isn't it? I can't say I'm alone, but I'm definitely lonely.

But let's look on the bright side, I'm a private person by nature. I kinda like people to respect my over-privacy. You have to dig your way in to breach this little shell I've created for myself. But it's good over all if you don't. If you're there in times I need you and show it, then I'll be fine. if it's not too much to ask..

I won't get myself back together from this whole I've fallen into till I learn how to trust myself and get back my trust in others...till that time, as Sara might put it, Let's all hide behind the big red curtain.

Ossu! How's everyone doing?

Weekend's going by silently...boring actually, but isn't that how it's supposed to be? to relax a bit and drip out all the stress compiled throughout the week? at least that's how it's supposed to me for me, since the science students never have a break much...

Thursday, I went to this book fair thing that was held...my school took me and a bunch of selected girls there...I don't know why, but I skipped a day of studying and went book shopping...in those 2 hours I stayed, I came out with 3 books :

-- 'Never Go Back' by Robert Goddard
-- 'Dance Dance Dance' by Haruki Murakami
-- 'The Arabian Nights', translated by Husain Haddawy

though, I can't read any of them yet till I finish 'Kafka on The Shore'...so much work and it's not letting me finish the damn book...and this is a book I started reading in December...I suck, dude...though I'm kinda excited about reading 'The Arabian Nights'...all my life I've been hearing so much about the stories..and whenever I tell anyone that I bought that book, they're like 'Why? they're One Thousand and One Nights...don't you already know what it's about?!'...well, now I will...

So! The T-N : Battle of the online bands has officially ended...well..not officially, I still have to announce the whole thing, but I need to do some stuff before...to finally get some closure on the thing...let's just hope it ends fast...and Congratulations to 'White Claudia' for winning ad proving you guys are the better band. I'd also like to thank 'Maki Roll' for putting up a hell of a fight, 'Social Graduates' for an awesome effort, and '1337band' for lightening up the mood and reminding us to do our thing all the time. This thing wouldn't have worked out without you guys.

Though I'm kinda disappointed about the way it ended...I thought all the bands took it seriously and were sticking to the rules and everything was smooth....so you'd get a little upset when one reaches the deadline without hearing a word from the other band even after the extension of the deadline....this made me lose all motivation to do any more work...

Today I went and did a little shopping...god knows I need some new clothes...didn't spend much time, but I ended up with 2 outfits...you'd get a bit blinded by all the flashy summer colors that every shop displays...we're talking hot pink, freakishly lime yellow, deep orange.....yeah, summer colors......I bought the orange one.

I think the school is taking credit of my biology project...cause before I went to the book fair, I saw them loading a truck with a bunch of projects, and mine was one of them, I'm like 'Where are they taking those?', a girl told me that they're taking it to the educational zone, cause they're gonna be in a contest sort of thing between schools....and no one told me that my projects been taken...I don't even know if my name's on it or not...well, I'll check about that later.

and I'm gonna end it here now...
peace.