Confrontation and Slip-Aways

Confrontation is basically my way of dealing with things. I don't like to take turns and detours, I just try to face everything head on. And it seems like I've been on this "Confrontation" roll lately. Although it had got me into major conflicts and probably made me lose a couple of friends, but I'm just a straight-to-the-point person.

I've been a little sick and week for a few days...it wasn't really laziness after all...I looked like I've been to hell and back again. But I guess I got a little better now...though I still feel hot most of the time.

There was this band that really caught my attention only because they were looking for a vocalist. They were around my age and in the same city I'm in...I contacted the drummer, he's a nice guy..we've been talking a bit, I also met the guitarist, but I figured that I won't be joining after all cause what I want seems different from what they want....though the guitarist is trying to persuade me still...but I just have to decline....I gotta focus on my studies next year, so I won't have much time for the band anyways.

That self confidence that I've seemed to gain for the past weeks, is sorta fading away once again. I don't know what it is, but..it's like, I wanna be exposed, but at the same time, I don't. And after all that I've been through this summer, I still feel like I'm not doing what I should be doing....what the hell is missing? goddammit.

I think have grown up in the wrong way...I wasn't a bad kid, but I wasn't a good one either...I managed to stay out of trouble, but didn't really stay on the safe side either....I'm just a product of something that went totally wrong...and I guess what I'm trying to do right now, is fix it..though I know it's too late, but it's the only thing that I could hang on to, or else, I would be totally lost, with no purpose and basically no identity.

I'm glad I actually have this blog. It's been like a year now since I've got it....I havn't really had a place where I would just talk to myself like this....I'm not trying to tell people something...I'm just an alter ego right now...cause then, the other me would look back at this, and try to figure me out more. No, I don't have a split personality...I just can't talk to anyone like this, not even the people who are the closest, who mean the most. But I guess everything's just slipping away now....I'll let myself figure out what I mean.

though I usually feel hot lately, today I feel extremely cold...