Take me out, please.

So, it's the last day of school...Stopped going to school to gain knowledge, to return to it 10 days later to be examined in that...freakin Yay <.<. Though, the annual ritual of the cry-and-hug didn't really appear this year..how unusual. I'm glad it didn't happen, cause it'll be pointless, cause we're seeing eachother next year, no matter how we try, we're even gonna stay in the same class, same classmates, same everything....not so sure about teachers though...The only thing I hope is different, is for everyone to take us more seriously...being the last year for us and all...

Our last day was supposed to be last Thursday, but my physics teacher made us come anyways to take a fuckin exam (Note: that we took an exam last Sunday, and she gave us one the following Sunday, which it today), then she just couldn't multiply the previous exam by 2 for some reason, and made us take that one. then she threw a bitch fit for no reason. Blaming us for being science students? please. save it for the arts. I think we'd be more focused on the exam than to do a stupid prank.

College came up again...Hanan wants to be with me, same college, same major..to make up for all the years we failed to end up in the same class...but it's gonna be hard..cause I can only get into private colleges, since I'm no Emirates citizen...so, she has to be willing to go to another city, assuming that I'm studying here, not abroad...

I've started my sessions at the hospital, and I gotta tell ya...my doctor is depressing..I do not like that guy, not a bit...but I guess I don't really have a choice, do I? Let me just use him for now, and see where this is going..but..I don't know, I got a bad feeling.

So, summer's coming up...A little excited and not excited at the same time..summer's not really my season, I'm more of Winter...but ehh..
I wonder what my 17th summer has to offer...Maybe that one summer night memory everyone's been talking about? or just a break? I'll just let the universe decide.

......I'm 160cm tall, by the way.

THE Scedual

Wed. 23/05/2007 : Physics -- 8:30 - 11:00
Thu. 24/05/2007 : Arabic (1st Session) -- 8:30 - 10:30
Arabic (2nd Session) -- 11:00 - 1:00
Sun. 27/05/2007 : Math -- 8:30 - 11:30
Mon. 28/05/2007 : Islamic Education -- 8:30 - 10:30
Tues. 29/05/2007 : Chemistry -- 8:30 - 10:30
Wed. 30/05/2007 : Geology -- 8:30 - 10:00
Thu. 31/05/2007 : English -- 8:39 - 11:00
Sun. 03/06/2007 : Biology -- 8:30 - 10:30

I can't complain much about it. My only complaint would be that they shouldn't put Biology as the last day...but I guess it works out since it needs plenty of studying, and there's a weekend before it so...

At school, I worked to empty my desk and erase everything that's written on it...over the years I've written some pretty twisted stuff, I admit....I came across some lines that I didn't seem to remember writing...

"It happens...a lot..." I stopped before erasing this, trying to remember what made me write it...the only thing that comes into mind is the same thing that's been bothering me lately...has it been bothering me this much, that I didn't even realize it till now? I'm not really sure. but anyways...I just forgot about it and erased it...hoping it'd not leave a mark on the desk nor myself.

But overall, I'm smiling...smiling there are people that care about me. That take the time to ask about my day, how my exam went, how I'm feeling today, and cheer me on. I'm glad I know you guy. Stay by my side, and I'll give you the world.

[P.S] once my Internet decides to be nice for me, I'll change the song into something that made me feel better every morning before school.

A Time of Confusion.

These past few days were filled with running emotions. Something that never really bothered me before has started to affect me greatly, in every aspect of my life, to the point where it became all I think about these days.

When I do think about it, sadness takes over me...anger...anxiety, envy...mixed feeling all together. I don't know if it's depression or it's just a phase where my hormones are acting up like a fuckin school girl with a skinned knee. Whatever the hell it is, I've got to find a way to stop it...stop these crying episodes...get rid of the problem once and for all....

I looked around me for some comfort, to take away this uneasy feeling, or a shoulder to cry on. But I'm all alone...I'm all alone in this, No one would help me, even if they could. cause I'm the only one who has to help me. But haven't I been trying all my life? Haven't I tried and tried so hard to seem normal? At least I thought I was...Till it finally hit me that all I've been doing, is being a fake. Pretending to be normal is getting really old, tiring, and stressful.

I'm just really confused right now about my place...like...really...I'm basically trying to isolate myself even more, turning myself from human to shadow. Hoping no one would notice me anymore. Locking myself up in my room, do my daily task of studying, and have an episode or two where I just cry for no reason. It has never been like this.

Am I really smart? Am I really?