Everyone, say Hello to my new friend Mr. Strat. and his little trusty sidekick, Mr. Amp.

Yeah...Little Jade's got a new toy to play with.

So, a few days after my birthday, and a lot of thinking...I've come to a conclusion that I can't be depressed all the time...what good would it do me? so for now, I have to accept the way I am while trying to change the stuff that I can.

If the problem's in me, I'll fix it. If it's in anything else, I'll try to change it, if I can't, I'll just learn to cope with it...for now...

So, If anyone has a problem with me, face me with it, I'll decide if the problem's in me or in you.
If there's something between us that happened in the past and it's been resolved, grow up and move on.
If you're pissed at something and you need someone to blame, get the hell away from me.
I don't wanna be messed with anymore.

With that said -- I move on...

I have a new respect for guitarists.. I really do...they make it seem so easy...
But overall, it's really fun...I really enjoy playing it..might I say that this is the best birthday gift I've ever received.
I'll just have to practice practice practice to be playing 'well'...even with a burnt finger due to my never-ending feud with the kitchen...

I'll get you, Microwave.....You just enjoy your 'heat' thing for now...

Seventeen, huh?

Seventeen years....Seventeen years and I'm still locked up inside this 'shell' of mine...

All these years I've grown up to become what I am right now...I didn't want to end up this way but somehow I did...
They say that the problem's in me, I say the problem is what's around me...they say that I'm the bigger part of the problem...and I stay quiet....
What have I done to be the person I am today? A person who doesn't know how to have fun, apparently...
I'm not that bad of a person...I admit that I have a little trouble dealing with things...But...is it that bad?
Is my way of dealing with what's around me that bad?

These years I'm living in...I call them the 'Numb' years...cause I know I'm not doing much in them...Hopefully I can break the seventeen year record this year.

Everyone who thought of me today, I'd like to thank you very much for taking the time and wish me a happy birthday, you're the ones who made my day today.

signing off into my first day as a 17 year old.

[Edit]

......................................................

What the hell is happening? Why do I come off being stupid to anyone? Why do I end up being fucking used then getting blamed for the slightest thing?
Seriously, am I that bad of a person?! Am I that weak and reckless?
I'm fucking tired of everything around me, just fucking tired.
Fucking tired of hearing that I'm a fucking disappointment. Fucking tired of being described as unable to handle responsibility. Fucking tired of being stabbed in the back.


Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!

I just started to cheer up. Do not fucking bring me down again/

What have I been doing these past few days since my break started??
Nothing useful for myself or anyone if that matters...except going around for a dress to wear at a friend's brother's wedding which is on the 18th..but other than that......yeah...
if anyone cares, I found a simple dress...actually looks like a prom dress..but it's good enough...and i got everything covered .... accessories, shoes, make-up, hair....everything covered...finally..

One thing that did happen...is that I realized that I became afraid of getting close to anyone...afraid of a close relationship with someone...cause every time I do that, I end up being stabbed in the back whenever I let my guard down....and that is exactly what happened to me a few days ago...

6 years of friendship gone to waste I guess.....

On another note, I've been working on organizing this T-N challenge thing...one of the original CORE members started a band of his own and challenged White Claudia, the T-N cover band.
and seeing that I'm not gonna be participating in it this time, i decided to make it official and organize the whole thing...I'm still working on the rules, but everything is pretty much set......almost......

Things I gotta watch out for from now on :

--Never get too close or put your complete trust in anyone for any reason, if it means being the loner that I am right now, so be it.
--Be more organized with your plans.
--Work on buying more formal clothes from now on.
--Get a fuckin life.

Yup...that's pretty much it...

Laters...

So, what you see on your left were my tools of trade for the past 2 weeks.

few hours ago I came back from the last exam and I'm going to give you a brief description on how everything went on each day (yeah you're gonna read it weather you like it or not...shut up, read and enjoy the music) :

1. Physics : I did as expected, I did well, though I always hate everything that have Myu K in it (physical term...look it up.)
2. English : ....Do you really need to ask?
3. Math : Every science student in all of AD prayed that something bad would happen to whoever put this disaster of a final...that pretty much says it all.
4. Arabic lit. (2 sessions) : Session 1 was ...okay...though you really hate it when they get something that's totally unrelated to the topic and asks you to 'guess' the right answer...Sessions 2's essay was a work of art....I never realized I could have such a twisted imagination.
5. Geology : Being the nerd I am, I actually payed attention to the details while studying...that's the reason why I did so good in it.
6. Chemistry : One of my worst subjects...thank god it came easy...trust me, we needed 'Easy' at that point.
7. Islamic Studies : Apparently...my memorizing powers are at it's maximum when I'm sick and feeling like crap....weird...but it wasn't a joyful treat either.

and last but certainly not least,

8. Biology : Teachers love to screw around with us by getting stuff that's in between the lines..how the hell are we supposed to pay attention to that if the teachers didn't pay attention to it when teaching the thing?

so....yeah~ that was my life for 2 weeks...and it doesn't end hear, they said the results are a week from now...they just don't like to leave us alone, do they?

I'll be back in a few days with a more interesting entry, anyways, how y'all doin?

This silly infection is spreading all over town
But somehow I seem to have survived it
Maybe it's cause I've lost my faith forever
Though it still haunts me
In the form of a golden dream
The oh-so-pretty golden dream
It makes me sing this broken tune
It keeps me satisfied
And you'll soon realize
That it's all just a lie
A lie like you
A lie like me
A lie like the rest
In the end, All lies become the reality everyone believes in
and that's how it is...

Break Day.

2006 ended.
2007 started.

Will 2007 be any better than 2006, the worst year I've ever been through? Let me know.

8 days of stress and tension are starting in 24 hours. with one day off after the second day...which is so inconvenient...think I can handle it?

My 'fresh new start' still hasn't started yet.
When I feel like a fresh new start, you'll know, cause by then, I'll be a better person that I am right now.

and with that little post said, I open my eyes and walk to...

Day One.