As mid-term knock on my door, I slowly feel the pressure of it, leaving me on a hault before opening the door.

While I notice other people are doing good in their lives...my life isn't as it's best right now...
it's either that my hormones are going insane righ now...or it's the environment I'm living in...casue I can't tell you how many times I wanted to cry these past days.....just so you know, I'm don't cry much...it's a phaze I guess, but some things still remain as they are no matter what phaze I'm going through...

It actually got to the point where I'm lying on a couch half dead and coughing my heart out, without anyone having the courtisy to even ask about what's wrong with me cause of that pregnant bitch we're sheltering....yeah, real nice being the youngest member who doesn't have a word in anything and is barely noticable, pushed on the side for someone, no, anyone who's not even worth it.

Whoever said 'Everything comes with a price' is a real prick...cause that made it actually true...
The Canada crap...shouldn't be too hard, no? ... So I've been given 2 choices according to my uncle:

-Go to Canada.......and study medicine.
-Stay here.....and study whatever I find suitable for me.

guess which one I'm picking...

---Mom?
---Yeah?
---I got my report card today.
---Great! what's your percentage?
---92%.
---.............that's it?!
---............what?

Yeah, it went on from there...what? so now a 92% isn't enough?! at least it's better than the crappy 89.6% I got last year.

what really surprised me that almost 3/4 of my class got a % in the 90s too...never expected my class to be so smart...I have to admit, I fucked up a bit this term, but I know I'll do better in the next term since now, I'm a little used to everything. I can actually go through it while I actually understand what I'm doing...I think...

So anyways, I got school till the end of this week...not sure if I'm going next sunday or not, but that's the last day for us...I think, then it's a short break before Mid-Terms...

All this school and mid-term talk makes me think of college, which I'll be attending in a year and a half. My uncle says he wants to take me to Canada to live there with him, but when I do talk to him and my father about the subject and actually discuss what I want, they just nod and go on with me and even make fun of me., even when I point out that I'm serious....that led to me getting pissed off and not talk to both of them and saying that I don't want Canada... so....yeah, my fate's hanging on a thin red thread right now.

To be honest, I wanna go, I really do...I'm sick of being stuck here in this place ever since I was little...having only experienced only one culture, one mind-set...I have no idea what's out there...and I like to 'break the cycle' and do something that none of my family members did...and I do not wanna be locked up behind these walls anymore.

Everyone talks about how bad it is for a girl to study abroad...and how it's gonna be hard on her to be alone...but I won't be alone, I choose a place where i got family in for a reason, I know it'll be hard on me to be far away from my family but I know it's worth it.....

Signing off, The girl with the IQ of 110.

At one time, I was a pianist....a great pianist...and I don't mean to brag...
Though I wasn't taught properly, I used to give it my all when I learn a piece, till I completely master it...even if I had picked it up by ear...which is what I used to do most of the time.
I knew how to read scores and sheet music...but never to play and look at the scores at the same time...it's one of the mistakes that caused my talent to vanishe.
I ask myself, should I do something about it? should I go back into piano, starting from scratch, and make a future of it? or maybe just...remember the feeling I used to have whenever I play that instrument...
Seeing that I cannot take that for a career...I have decided the following :

-During college, or maybe after college, I will get myself into a music acaedemy and be a student of the piano devision.

Of course, this won't change the fact that I'm going to form my band when I'm in college. Singing is another passion of mine...such as how the piano was for me at one point. It won't change the fact that I'm trying to play another instrument at the moment.
It's just that....I wanna make something of myself...something people would admire...something I would admire...is that possible?

Listening to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonana, thinking that at one time, I enjoyed playing this piece and won several compititions performing it...it's amazing how none of that stuck on...

But you see, I'm the remains of some broken identity...
Just a mere shadow...Living under a shadow...
Expected to stay that way to eventually seize to be...
But i'm not some losing lottery ticket...
Full of hope and promise...
But in the end, a cheap letdown...
I won't allow it, I won't go down so dullfully...
For I'm gonna be some body's longed-for sweet sound...
Waiting for a time when I pick up the jigsaw pieces of me...
That's when you'll know me...My precious stranger...You just wait...

Dear Jack :
sorry I can't do anything for you for your birthday today, the only thing I did was this little thing with my little humble stars, I hope you liked cause...it's the thought that counts, hon.
I had to do something or else I'd feel bad, after all, you're a precious friend of mine and you mean a lot to me.I know you'd do the same thing for me and even more...so I just wanted you to know that I thought about you today and I'm really thankful to have met you.

Jade

Edit :

Alright guys, It's finally here...let me introduce the band for you guys :

White Claudia ;

Vocalist: JADE
Bass + Moog: Yin Ng
Guitars and drums: Jack Murakami
Arrangement + mixing: Jack.M

This had a lot of effort spent on it and all the members did the best they could. So without further ado, here it is :

You're Not Here -- Originally by Akira Yamaoka and Mary Elizabeth McGlynn -- Performed by White Claudia for your listening pleasure.

Listen with headphones for the full experience.

and with that, I'll leave...and once again : "Happy 24th Birthday Jacky"