Update

Almost a week after that little angry post I did...and I can't say I feel any different...though now, I'm more calm.

What's the news on me? well...I'm planning to make this a short post as well, so I'm gonna update in point mode :

• Trying not to mess out of Yoga and dance classes...also swimming every now and then
• Spending as much time with Hala before she goes to Jordan on Saturday *will update then as well*
• Lacking in sleep and appitite and is starting to show on my face, not that anyone cares.
• Getting a little too emotional lately...dunno if it's teenage hormones or something gone all wrong....I'll find out soon enough.
• Detaching myself from certain stuff *not about to talk about it anytime soon*

and I wonder what's gonna happen in 2 years.

Untitled

Things don't really wanna go my way, do they? I end up the one in the wrong, the stupid kid who couldn't do what she meant to do. But I guess no one knows me well enough to know that I'd never think that way.

From this point on, I'm stopping in my tracks. Don't expect me to come to you, cause I won't. Not anymore.

Work of the Devil

I should've updated a few days ago, but I just didn't have the time to do so.
I got my grades on the 14th, and I'm finally relieved. With all the screw ups I made on the term and the finals, I expected to get an average around 80s or so, but I proved that I could still get a 93% without sleeping with the principle or suckin up to the teachers.

Someone has made their personal mission this summer...to turn me into a *and get this* girl.
We're talking all the way, clothes, make-up, hair, body...everything. I'm taking up stuff I never even thought about...but I know this : I'll be doing a lot of Yoga and dancing...the summer colors knowledge gotta come in hand a lot now <.< let's just see when this phase's gonna end.

In my free time, I spent some of it researching about my condition, and I noticed something : that people with my disability were considered a work of the devil...see, this makes much sense now, cause I'm the devil girl, the next best candidate to becoming Satan! ain't that right, Hala?

Last night I went to my good friend 'Suhad''s graduation party. We were always together in kinder garden. We were in the same class, in the same building, and on the same floor, but I got held back in first grade, and she kept going. That's why she's graduating before I do. I havn't seen her in forever, due to the fact that she moved to a place far away. I can't go to her place as often as before, so we kinda lost touch for a while, but I got to see how much she has changed over the years. The skinny little friend of mine grew up, I actually didn't recognize her in the beginning, neither her sister 'Hadeel', They grew up to be gorgeous young ladies. It was a fun party. The children loved me *laughed*, cause I was the only person who'd give them a face and actually talk to them. I'll post a picture when I get my camera back.

This summer won't be one of my best, but I guess it's gonna be interesting...despite the pressure I'm getting...Let's see when this phase is going to end...I'll talk about it more if it gets more severe.

Peace.

Joe, Hala and I

So, people. I've got a special treat today.

Joe, Hala and I decided to shoot a video, to make some memories before Hala leaves to Jordan.
The 01:43:32 video has been reduced to a mere 4 minutes, for me to be able to share a part of it on my humble little space here.

It starts off as if we're just staring into the blue. We were just watching T.V in the back, trying to comprehend what we just saw. I'm in the middle...Joe's the one with curly hair next to me. and Hala's the one with the glasses on the other side.



My hair looked a little weird that day, and I was practically high. but I promised I'd put it here...ask me if you need any translations or something. And I'll see you next time.

Beginning of Summer

So old Journal...we meet again. I'm sorry for neglecting you for nearly a month now...I won't make any excuses for not updating you at all...I'll try my best to highlight my past month for you, and I'll try to be generous.

So! Finals came and went by so fast...I didn't really expect it to come and go like that. But I'm glad it's all over right now. I'd get to really clear my thoughts a bit and work to make what is about to come worth while.

The most difficult one of them for me was Chemistry, where it should've been easy. I'd just lose sight of what's required in the question and tend to complicate things even more...I went on with the questions writing some really unnecessary crap...that's a definite minus.

the thing everyone was really afraid of turned out to be okay actually...though, 10 pages of math + 3 hours could really fuck your brain and drive a science student homicidal.

And that pretty much concludes my finals days as a high school sophomore...Senior year is about to come. I wonder how would that turn out...I'm afraid, actually...cause this is it, this is why I've been attending school and getting prepared for. Everything up till now it's just a prep course for this Senior year...The slightest mistake might really change my future like that...I lie to myself and say that I'll work on getting a scholarship...but I need to find my long-lost motivation fast...

Lately, I've been listening to 90's rock...the good ol' times. Where Garbage rocked, Smashing Pumpkins kicked ass, and Oasis blew my ears away when I was going back and forth between cities.I think of how many time I listen to those songs..I could never get tired of it. In a period of time where I was a mere 6 or 7 , with no word of English in mind...Whenever I'd see that one music video on T.V, I'd neglect everything that was in my hands and just stare at what's in front of me. The style is just Timeless to me. It never gets old, and it never will. And I'd tell myself that I'm gonna make that kind of music when the time's right. Timeless...

I've been put in a situation, where I actually liked the way I handled it. I didn't know I was able to keep my cool in a such a position. But in return, A huge responsibility has been put on my shoulders. I just got to prove that I could go through with it and I'm not such a dumb kid after all. It's hard to be the bigger person when you are the smallest.

I don't understand this. I don't understand why I just sit alone in a room on a chair, thinking about a certain thing...and I realise that I shouldn't be thinking about it, When I know that it's wrong to think about it, When I know that it's not gonna happen, When I know I can't associate it with everything....It is becoming an addiction, I think...an addiction I wanna get rid of, and at the same time, I don't...confusing, isn't it? I don't like myself speaking in puzzles either...then again, all I do is talk in bits and pieces. I have to figure out a way to put them together before it's just too late.

To conclude my thoughts for today, Here's my first recording in over 6 months...Maybe I did it to celebrate the beginning of my summer...Maybe I did it to impress a certain someone...who knows?

I'll see you around, ne?

Push It