Too much Kiwi/Lime juice could really get to you...

for the past while, I've been working on fixing my piece of junk of a computer, recently it started acting up, and by 'acting up', I mean PMSing, shutting down by itself, crashing for no reason, kinda thing....so, what I did was take it all apart in attempt to try and do something about it...changing the RAM was not the issue, everything was in place, and the CD/DVD drive certainly wasn't the problem (every time I put something in that drive, the computer crashes without any intention of turning on again)..In the end, I ended up putting it on the side, and stole a laptop...

that's right! I get the laptop, and you get to play 'God of War II' with the PS2 you were supposed to bring back last year. That was the deal!

In other news, I'm expected to be an Aunt any day now...her due date's supposed to be..next week maybe? anyways...yeah, finally we can get this over with and start phase 2 of the whole thing.....should I be happy? it took me almost 8 months to get used to her being around...but now, just when I learnt how to deal with things, it's getting worse....I know, this is not a good sign...

In my life, I've gotten used to the fact that I'm not taken seriously around here cause I'm the youngest...which really makes me feel weird if I am taken seriously. The kinda attention I always got was either the ones you give kids to make them shut up, or as limited attention you could ask for only in certain times....which led me to realize something:

I'm not really good with attention...showing me that I am of importance...cause this leads me to want to act selfish...cause If you tell me I'm important...I either wanna be something irreplaceable...or not be important at all....guess I'm an all-or-nothing kinda person...

Maybe I'm just getting bored..without any free times for myself. but gaining and losing attention is not something I like...I slowly lose motivation with it...which really makes me feel worthless...if I'm not motivated, what will I be able to do?

My grades are slipping, but frankly, I don't care...I don't care about my final score, and I don't care if I got a scolarship or not...something in me tells me that either way, I'm ending up in the university they're making me attend...weren't they the ones that said that I won't be going to a private school if I want to go to the college I want? the college I pick?

the thought of my future being decided like that...makes me sad, really...okay, I go to the best college HERE, I study something they approve of, and graduate, then what? stay stuck here and return to this seat once again? it bums me out to this that this is my life...I am selfish, arn't I?

School out in almost 2 months...weather's changing and my nose starts to bleed once again.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go take out whatever memories I have from that computer to send it away to an unknown fate.

It was like watching myself from 3rd-person view...I was in this foreign place to me...never been to it in my life...sort of like a park that's facing an ocean..surrounded by a decorated fence. We were 5 people...it was pitch black, you can only see faint shadows for our only source of light was this faint moonlight that made the objects slightly glow. Some girl comes out of a place I assumed to be a shop, drags one of 4 people with me and goes back inside, we didn't mind, we actually smiled as if we were waiting for it.

We were all standing, facing one side, speaking in light whispers. Then I notice that behind us, this guy wearing what seems to be a coat walks into the scene, everyone was giving him their backs except me, I was facing the other side. I couldn't really make out what he looked like or what was he wearing, but from the faint shadows, I've seen that he was holding a gun up to his face...sort of like, he was looking at it while walking to the ocean that was there...without saying a word, I take one of the 3 remaining people by the hand and start walking away slowly...and they didn't notice what was going on, but they just kept on talking in whispers...so, they see us walking, and they followed.. we come near a corner, we're about to turn at the corner but everything changes.

This time, It's only me, and we shift to 1st-person view... I hear a guy's scream...I figured it was the guy with the gun's voice. I guess I was just running looking for a place to hide. I came across a familiar room, I just got in through the door, but left it open, cause I figured that it would let out a sound if I closed the door....it was an empty room, so I had no choice but to hide behind the door...there was silence for a moment, but as I was going to the other side of the door, it made a creak sound...I was sure that the guy had heard me, he actually did, cause I heard him running, yelling like maniac. I was scared...I just closed my eyes and imagined that any minute now, the door is gonna be filled with bullet holes....

Next time I opened my eyes, I was facing my usual everyday window...lying on my bed...recalling what just happened, searching for the line that separates reality from fantasy.

Would that be a nightmare?

Anybody got an extra ticket for the "Russell Peters" show in Dubai? I'd appreciate it if you'd sell it to me...
Still cannot fuckin believe all 1400 tickets for sold out in 40 minutes...

anyways,

To prove that our school seriously have no respect for us students, the following has happened today:

around 3rd period, I was in class taking my chemistry exam (if you're wondering about that, I did great in it, it was easy). It was so easy, that all of us handed in the papers and we still got time to spare, so What I did was, take out a book and start reading stuff. Then the supervisor barges into our classroom and says firmly "Everyone, to the back"

Of course, no one knows that the hell is going on, I just tie my hair and go to the back thinking what are they up to now. Then she goes over to my desk and grabs my bag...yeah, she grabs my bag and starts searching it...I just quirked my eyebrow and asked her 'what are you doin?', then she's like 'come over here'...I went over there to see what the hell is going on, and she asks me to empty my pockets...this is not fuckin prison...when she made sure that I didn't get anything I wasn't supposed to get, she went and did the same to the other girls.....

turns out, they did this 'inspection' to every fuckin class in the school, and things that are 'forbidden' are confiscated....They weren't done with just violating our space...A classmate of mine was wearing a black bra, and it apparently showed, and they actually said to her 'your bra's too dark'....okay, you're violating our privacy to that extent?

The thing is, we cannot do anything about it, they'll just blame it on us no matter what we do. cause after all, the priority goes to the teachers, not the students. I should transfer schools...I'm seriously thinking of doing that next year...Let next year come and I'll decide.

I'll be drowning in my little game of Hide and Seek till then.