Keepin it real

Howdy.

Let me put everything that has happened with me so far extremely briefly :
School ended. Finals ended. it's Spring Break.

I'm not about to discuss anything more cause it's not even worth mentioning. it's like a pause period of me not being....basically, alive. I was just a working machine. Sure, a few emotions spurred up, but logic thinking shot it down. Finals sucked...and my grades come out Monday. Day after tomorrow. And about to freak.

What's new with me, you ask? well, Finals got me dropping 8 pounds, which is great. I got a hair cut like 2 weeks ago...definitely a change. have to post up a picture later on. It looks better than before and actually easier to deal with. And now, I'm spending time at home being...useless? yeah, that's it. But I need to enjoy this feeling while it lasts. I finally see it for its value.

No matter how many hours I try to get to make up for all the lost ones during finals, I don't seem to get enough. Pretty soon I'mma be a sloth. But I guess I gotta keep my days busy doing the stuff I wasn't able to do for these past months.

There's a wedding in January that I have to attend to, and seeing that I don't really own a lot of dresses (we're talking like 2-3 dresses here), I need to find me one fast. I went through a whole mall yesterday without finding anything that's close to what I want. I gotta check out another mall soon...and not just for the dress, but the whole look.

Speaking about January, My birthday's coming up. It's a big deal for me since it's my 18th. I'd like to do something a little special for the occasion, but I gotta think fast. Any Suggestions anyone?

before worrying about any of that, I gotta worry about my fate. What the hell is going to happen on Monday? I'm sort of in between in wanting to know and not to know...but I guess if I gotta know something, I must wait....isn't it always like this? whatever's on your mind, always take time....oh well

How are you keeping it real?

Picture Perfect....Almost

My updates are getting less and less each month. I've really underestimated senior year. or maybe it's just carelessness on my part.

Let's see...where did we leave off last time? well, workload kinda piled up on me the past week. As a result, I didn't even have an hour to myself, and been getting less sleep each day to get everything done in time. I seem to exaggerate but I'm not. I didn't really get to enjoy the pain relief I felt from my back, for it to come back again due to the long hours of sitting in a shitty chair on a computer to finish the research.

Next week is the due date for all the Projects/Reports/all that crap. All my individual assignments have already either been handed in or gonna be done by this weekend. but I'm in a group in both chem and bio, and no body seemed to get anything done. I had to step in and to stop them from messing everything up. I decided that if they're not gonna do anything about it, I will do things my way. and it resulted in me being the leader of the groups...they come to me to tell them what to do next. Let's hope everything goes well next week during presentation.

I should go buy something I want instead of something I need for a change...

I got pretty sick a while ago, it lasted a good bit. I had a couple of days off of school, but I ended up only skipping 1. I'm such a nerd, I know, but I have to, senior year...yeah, I'm not prepared to work my ass off even more trying to figure out what I missed. I'm still recovering from it...and its funny....the only time I really felt like singing and recording again, is the time I got sick...now I lost my motivation, I gotta find me another one.

The Canon EOS 400D looks so hot right now....

Bit of my Life.

Cheers!

Thought I should let this post more 'in the moment' , and decided to take a picture of the me right now, who's writing this :

Starting off the month with a playful sound, as I call it. I'm guessing this is the start of something new. I can't really descrobe what it is right now, but I'll try my best to reflect it in a good way.

1. It's funny how simple I could get. How the smallest thing can touch my insicurities so easily and pulls me down. It's also funny how you'd lift up my mood with just a simple line or gesture. Opening my eyes to something I've forgotten for a long time, or perhaps never really took a notice to.

2. These days I've been working like crazy to get everything done on my end. It's not that I'm trying to get everything perfect or something, I'm just trying to keep up, cause I feel like I'm falling behind. I gotta work at a faster pace. Yeah, I'm getting you done, Arabic Lit. report tonight!.

3. I think I might've done a big mistake. I think I was wrong to somebody...and I've been feeling terrible about it. I can't even reach them anymore. I'm a little worried, I can honestly say. I'm gonna give it a few more days and try to work this out. There's something I'd like to make clear.

4. Hopefully, I'm getting a little days off soon, so I can breath a bit. I'd be able to post more and get in touch with a few people I've been neglecting. and hopefully, get the rest of the work done in peace.

You gladly gave me everything you had and more, You craved my happiness,

When you make me feel joy it makes you smile, But now I feel your stress,

Love was never meant to be such a crazy affair, no And who has time for tears,

Never thought I'd sit around and cry for your love,

'till now...

I think I now know what these words talk about....

See ya.

Back for a bit

Back to blogging again. it's been a while.

Ever since school started, I havn't really had a lot of time for myself. They gave us a shitload of work in the beginning of the year, but after we went and actually did all the work for a change, they decided to cancel it so that they'd lift some things off our shoulders......being hardworking doesn't really pay off much in this case.

It's rare that you'd find me just sitting at home doing nothing because of it...basically been overworking myself, but then again, that is what I'm supposed to do now, cause if I don't, I'll never keep up with what's coming. and that's the key to make it through this year.

other than that, ever since it started, I've been having these really horrible back pains, till I finally for it checked. turns out, I have a little more than just mere simple back pains. it's really complicated and I'm not gonna talk about it, but all I gotta do is to keep up with what I was told to do, and hopefully it'll go away soon...cause I'm only enduring the pain in hopes that it can be fixed. my spine, that is.....(I might show you guys the x-ray just for fun)


I gotta start getting back in shape again....Ramadan started and all I've been doing is eating and sitting <.< I'm hitting the pool again once it's over.

Sorry, I don't have much to say now...

The "Back to School" Update

Last days of my summer were calm, contact-less, and boring...well, except for Thursday (I'll get to that later). It was like the calm before the storm, you know? I'll just write the jumbled thoughts from the top of my head, cause I can't really organize them now :

My day started out at 5:30 AM. This always happens to be on the first day of school. I'm either unable to sleep, or just manage to sleep for a few hours and wake up extra early...anyways, I calmly prepared myself, made sure I look decent and all that ~laugh~ I have to look my best at the first day of school. It's just a habit.

I ended up in school at 7. It was weird seeing the school again. Nothing has changed..well..except the new marble floors, but it looks the same..it didn't feel like I was on vacation at all...maybe like, a weekend, then just any given Sunday. It was tiring just standing there cause it was too freakin hot, but I waited till I saw everyone I know and said my greetings, then went to my class and got me a seat. I just waiting with a bunch of friends till the bell rang.

Classes were boring. All were explanatory about the upcoming year, and how important it is, and basically just pressuring us science students even more. Then came the part about the whole curriculum and the new system...it was just disturbing but I promised myself that I'd kick my own ass and study good this year.

It was painful to listen to all the teachers today...except in the last 2 periods. The so called 'Teacher Queen" ended up as out teacher for this year. She started out her speech just like the other teachers but she seems okay...I hope she's okay. She made us write a little something about each and every one of us. Anything we wanted..I ended up writing about music, and my condition. I'm glad I can write about it freely without being bothered now.

I hope all my teachers are okay..I'm not saying I want them to be the best, but only enough to make me understand the point. I don't really wanna result to private teachers and after-school school thingies...I never resulted to any of these, and hopefully, I'll never result to them.

I'm practically taking the same subjects I took last year, only advanced. Chem and Physics were a shocker...they're double the size compared to last year's books, and I remember how much I suffered from those...I can only be hopeful. Rumors say that Senior year is always easier than Sophomore year...I hope this applies here too, cause I had a hell last year, I'm not sure if I can do it again or not. But I am going to give it my all this time, I'm trying to prove something here, and I will prove it. I can at least say that I tried.

It would be nice to know that I'm encouraging and being encouraged....no one bothered to ask about how my day went or how do I feel..and the people that I wanted to tell the most about it weren't there today...I'll be optimistic and say that it's not a big deal, and it's only the first day of school.

Looking back at how the whole day went, and thinking about what to expect in the upcoming year, I'd say that the day was "Okay".

Fracture

Anthony Hopkins is the kinda bad guy that you just gotta love. With all his witty comments and his easy going attitude, he's this mysterious genious...That's what I love about him...Though I've never seen him as Hannibal Lecter due to some people always thinking that Iwas 'too young' to see those kinda movies...but still...I love the guy. Though it really shows how old he's getting.

For a little while, I've been a little busy, making use of the time I got left before starting Senior year. I'm no where near finishing my school shopping, plus this wedding thing came up that I gotta prepare for as well, I like to think that I am done with that. But I think I'll get everything done one day before school starts at tops. Yeah, I got myself covered.

Been trying to get in touch with this old friend of mine. I believe I mentioned her in a previous post. She came back from her vacation and I'd like to have the oppertunity to sit with her before she heads off to college. But the thing is that I never had the chance to do so. Something always came up. I feel ashamed, since it's someone I have called my best friend before...so yeah, I gotta get it done, also before school starts.

Not every relationship works out. I learned that recently through one hell of an experience. You just might not know when the closest people to you will turn their backs to you and leave you there just like that, no matter how long you've stayed with them. I don't hate them or anything, I'm just sad. Sad about the person I am right now, sad about person I was with them, and mostly sad about what they couldn't see in me (and also what they could see in me). I can't do anything more right now, but feel this...self-loathing thing, but I'm alright...I just have new principles right now...and I hope I never go through this kinda thing again.

So I guess it's either I change, or the world changes...Does any of this sound right to you?

Riddle

It's an interesting post for me tonight, cause I've been through probably one of the worst nights I've had yet. Nothing in particular happened, but...it was hell for me.

I didn't really feel like sleeping, so I decided to catch up on some reading, and that went good. Till I decided to call it a day and finally pass out at 3:30-4:00 AM. As I was lying down on a couch, I couldn't keep my eyes shut for some reason...maybe it was just the couch I was sleeping on, but it wasn't. My mind was playing tricks on me, cause it was racing like a bitch.

Different random thoughts that I don't think I'd ever think about starting coming to me...and no, I couldn't get rid of them. So I just kept thinking and thinking and thinking. I tried changing the place, I went to sleep on a bed..no luck...it just won't leave me alone...my own mind won't leave me alone. I kept searching for an exit, but my mind was shooting thoughts at me, one after the other.

I just couldn't hide, I couldn't just avoid thinking about anything and stick to nothing. So I try to figure out what the hell is it that my mind is trying to tell me, figuring out each thought in my own way, and still got nowhere near what the point was. I really didn't feel like myself that night, I was sorta trapped. Trapped inside my own damn mind.

It all went to rest about 6:00-6:15. AM..only for it to come back to haunt me at 9:00 AM. So I get up and spend the whole day roaming like a ghost, I was in a sort of aftershock state...what happens when you get an earthquake...that sort of feeling...the thoughts that came to me last night starting faintly to cross my mind....aftershock. It was a fucking ordeal...It's been a while since I've had nights like this...

I gotta solve the riddle to figure out what the hell happened to me last night.