The "Back to School" Update

Last days of my summer were calm, contact-less, and boring...well, except for Thursday (I'll get to that later). It was like the calm before the storm, you know? I'll just write the jumbled thoughts from the top of my head, cause I can't really organize them now :

My day started out at 5:30 AM. This always happens to be on the first day of school. I'm either unable to sleep, or just manage to sleep for a few hours and wake up extra early...anyways, I calmly prepared myself, made sure I look decent and all that ~laugh~ I have to look my best at the first day of school. It's just a habit.

I ended up in school at 7. It was weird seeing the school again. Nothing has changed..well..except the new marble floors, but it looks the same..it didn't feel like I was on vacation at all...maybe like, a weekend, then just any given Sunday. It was tiring just standing there cause it was too freakin hot, but I waited till I saw everyone I know and said my greetings, then went to my class and got me a seat. I just waiting with a bunch of friends till the bell rang.

Classes were boring. All were explanatory about the upcoming year, and how important it is, and basically just pressuring us science students even more. Then came the part about the whole curriculum and the new system...it was just disturbing but I promised myself that I'd kick my own ass and study good this year.

It was painful to listen to all the teachers today...except in the last 2 periods. The so called 'Teacher Queen" ended up as out teacher for this year. She started out her speech just like the other teachers but she seems okay...I hope she's okay. She made us write a little something about each and every one of us. Anything we wanted..I ended up writing about music, and my condition. I'm glad I can write about it freely without being bothered now.

I hope all my teachers are okay..I'm not saying I want them to be the best, but only enough to make me understand the point. I don't really wanna result to private teachers and after-school school thingies...I never resulted to any of these, and hopefully, I'll never result to them.

I'm practically taking the same subjects I took last year, only advanced. Chem and Physics were a shocker...they're double the size compared to last year's books, and I remember how much I suffered from those...I can only be hopeful. Rumors say that Senior year is always easier than Sophomore year...I hope this applies here too, cause I had a hell last year, I'm not sure if I can do it again or not. But I am going to give it my all this time, I'm trying to prove something here, and I will prove it. I can at least say that I tried.

It would be nice to know that I'm encouraging and being encouraged....no one bothered to ask about how my day went or how do I feel..and the people that I wanted to tell the most about it weren't there today...I'll be optimistic and say that it's not a big deal, and it's only the first day of school.

Looking back at how the whole day went, and thinking about what to expect in the upcoming year, I'd say that the day was "Okay".

Fracture

Anthony Hopkins is the kinda bad guy that you just gotta love. With all his witty comments and his easy going attitude, he's this mysterious genious...That's what I love about him...Though I've never seen him as Hannibal Lecter due to some people always thinking that Iwas 'too young' to see those kinda movies...but still...I love the guy. Though it really shows how old he's getting.

For a little while, I've been a little busy, making use of the time I got left before starting Senior year. I'm no where near finishing my school shopping, plus this wedding thing came up that I gotta prepare for as well, I like to think that I am done with that. But I think I'll get everything done one day before school starts at tops. Yeah, I got myself covered.

Been trying to get in touch with this old friend of mine. I believe I mentioned her in a previous post. She came back from her vacation and I'd like to have the oppertunity to sit with her before she heads off to college. But the thing is that I never had the chance to do so. Something always came up. I feel ashamed, since it's someone I have called my best friend before...so yeah, I gotta get it done, also before school starts.

Not every relationship works out. I learned that recently through one hell of an experience. You just might not know when the closest people to you will turn their backs to you and leave you there just like that, no matter how long you've stayed with them. I don't hate them or anything, I'm just sad. Sad about the person I am right now, sad about person I was with them, and mostly sad about what they couldn't see in me (and also what they could see in me). I can't do anything more right now, but feel this...self-loathing thing, but I'm alright...I just have new principles right now...and I hope I never go through this kinda thing again.

So I guess it's either I change, or the world changes...Does any of this sound right to you?

Riddle

It's an interesting post for me tonight, cause I've been through probably one of the worst nights I've had yet. Nothing in particular happened, but...it was hell for me.

I didn't really feel like sleeping, so I decided to catch up on some reading, and that went good. Till I decided to call it a day and finally pass out at 3:30-4:00 AM. As I was lying down on a couch, I couldn't keep my eyes shut for some reason...maybe it was just the couch I was sleeping on, but it wasn't. My mind was playing tricks on me, cause it was racing like a bitch.

Different random thoughts that I don't think I'd ever think about starting coming to me...and no, I couldn't get rid of them. So I just kept thinking and thinking and thinking. I tried changing the place, I went to sleep on a bed..no luck...it just won't leave me alone...my own mind won't leave me alone. I kept searching for an exit, but my mind was shooting thoughts at me, one after the other.

I just couldn't hide, I couldn't just avoid thinking about anything and stick to nothing. So I try to figure out what the hell is it that my mind is trying to tell me, figuring out each thought in my own way, and still got nowhere near what the point was. I really didn't feel like myself that night, I was sorta trapped. Trapped inside my own damn mind.

It all went to rest about 6:00-6:15. AM..only for it to come back to haunt me at 9:00 AM. So I get up and spend the whole day roaming like a ghost, I was in a sort of aftershock state...what happens when you get an earthquake...that sort of feeling...the thoughts that came to me last night starting faintly to cross my mind....aftershock. It was a fucking ordeal...It's been a while since I've had nights like this...

I gotta solve the riddle to figure out what the hell happened to me last night.