I don't really know what to say right now.
I don't know what I should be feeling right now.
cause being happy or sad doesn't really cut it now.
some thing's wrong with feeling that.

something funny happened last night. I was talking with a friend of mine, and she mentioned something that happened back in 2002...then she said 'whoa...2002...'...that made me really think that a long time has passed since now. And though I'm still young, I'm getting older by the minute, I can actually feel it.
I don't really feel like I'm living the way I should. The way a 17 year old should...a part of me still wishes I was 16.
and by the time I grow up, I'll look back and regret the way I'm living now, I'll tell myself that I've wasted my life, just like I wasted my own birthday this year....That's what I've been thinking ever since January.

I don't mean to be emo or dark or always sad or anything...but that's what's on my mind right now..after all, that's what this place's about. To unload the cargo and come back with more.

Can I change? How Can I? Where do I start? and Where is it leading? these are the questions I should be asking myself, Yet...I'm such a lazy person to do anything about it...I'm still wrapped up in the strings of what's around me, and in order for me to change that, I need to cut those strings one at a time.

If you ever need me, tell me so. If you do not need me, tell me so.
cause I'd like to know if I should stick around, or step back and walk away.

I'm a Celestial Delinquent come true.
A puppet of a cruel master.
Bleeding gold to paint over an empty grey.
Motionlessly on a silver platter.

the thing is, someday I'll run out of this golden blood...and I won't be able to paint over empty greys anymore...